I am one fabulous, inspiring, awesome, beautiful, lovely blogger.

It’s time to acknowledge these awards that people have been kind enough to bestow on me.  I will attempt to fulfill the requirements of each, although I may cheat a little.

I really believe in rules, and I think that everyone should follow ALL the rules for any award they receive.  However, when it comes to nominating the specified number of bloggers, I will be an ingrate and a hypocrite, and simply refuse to nominate 55 bloggers and copy urls for each one.  I do shit as boring as that all week at work, and I’m just not going to do it, Sam I Am.  Besides, I’d just have to nominate the same people who nominated me.  Instead, I will follow the lead of one of my favorite bloggers, Tin Woman, who always declined to single out particular bloggers, and I will rather nominate ALL OF YOU who have the courage and honesty to send your private thoughts and memories out to the infinite blogosphere.

However, everyone but me has to follow the rules and nominate recipients when they’re told to.

001I was given the Fabulous Gutter Blogger award by three fabulous gutter bloggers, Fatal, Butterfly, and Delta Dawn. The rules are:

1. Thank the person who nominated you. (Written thanks,   kisses, oral sex, anal sex, all of the above – whatever seems appropriate.)

So, thank you Fatal. Remember that wet dream you woke up from on Tuesday morning? That was me, sending oral vibes via subspace delta waves.  So that was my payback in advance.

And thank you as well, Butterfly’s Joy.  May I call you “BJ”?  No?  Are you going to punish me for being so forward?  I offer you the gift of my sauciness, which will require discipline, I’m afraid.

And thanks to you, too Dawn, for the intriguing glances at your inner gutter life, framed in poetry and melancholy.  How do I thank you?  Dans mon esprit, je tu offre le plaisir, en aucune façon que vous désirez le plus.  (So sorry for the Googletranslate French.)

  1. Link back to their blog in your post.
    done
  2. Post the image of the Award on your blog.
    done
  3. Copy and answer these six questions.
    1.What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?
    2.What do you now know about sex that you wish you’d have known earlier in life?
    3.Is there any gutter fantasy you’d like to try?(tell us what it is)
    4.What’s the funniest bedroom situation you’ve ever been in?
    5.Has gutter blogging taught you anything?
    6.What is your favourite post from the person who nominated you?
    See below.
  4. Nominate nine bloggers, link to them and let them know they’ve been nominated.
    See my weasely excuse, above.

002India, of workspousestory nominated me for the Very inspiring Blogger Award.

The rules for this one are:
1. Link back to the person who nominated you.
done

2. Post the award image to your page.
done

3. Tell 7 facts about yourself.
See below.

4. Nominate 15 other bloggers and let them know they’ve been nominated.
See my weasely excuse, above.

003Kayla bestowed on me the Meta-Awesomest-Blogger-Award andBeautiful Blogger award. 

The rules for being meta-awesome are:
1. Include the award logo somewhere in your blog.
done

2. Answer 10 questions you have about yourself
See below.

3. Nominate 10 to 12 blogs you enjoy. Or you pick the number.
See my weasely excuse, above.

0044. Pay the love forward: Provide your nominee’s link in your post and comment on their blog to let them know they’ve been included and invited to participate.
I’m still a weasel.

5. Pay the love back with gratitude and a link to the blogger(s) who nominated you.
done

itsmindblowing and Kayla Lords ( a sexual being) both thought I was worthy of the One Lovely Blog award.

The Lovely Blog Award rules are:
1. Thank and link back to the person who nominated you.
done

2. Share 7 unknown things about yourself.
see below

3. Nominate 15 or so bloggers; contact your nominees to let them know and link back to them.
Still a weasel.

My Answers

So here are the combined 10 questions, 7 facts, 7 unknown things, including the 6 Gutter Blogger Questions:

(I know I’m cheating all over the place by combining all these, but what good is it being a smut-peddler if I have to follow all the rules?)

1. What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?
Writing this blog has to be the kinkiest thing I’ve ever done.  Seriously, I never thought I’d go to such lengths to make sure the world knew everything about where my penis and tongue went, and for some of these blogs, I made notes within an hour of when they went there. And what makes that kinky?  The level of pure, cheap thrill I get, every time I send the words “my cock” out to the internet.  I’m just like the unknown nine-year-old who drew dicks all over your 4th-grade desk.

2. What do you now know about sex that you wish you’d have known earlier in life?
I don’t know why I haven’t always known this, but especially after reading these blogs, I am beginning to think that just about everyone you see on the street would be happy if they could just have a hug and an orgasm from somebody they like.  And something about our culture depends on everyone pretending that isn’t true.

3. Is there any gutter fantasy you’d like to try?(tell us what it is)
Assuming that there actually is an elevator that takes you to the top of the the Eiffel Tower, I want my sweetheart to blow me on that elevator ride, while Le Marseillaise is blasting from the speakers.

4. What’s the funniest bedroom situation you’ve ever been in?
It hasn’t happened yet, but Le Marseillaise in No. 3 is still cracking me up. (You have to listen to the music, and imagine it.)

5. Has gutter blogging taught you anything?
Mainly that there are some really sweet people out there, who have love lives that may be any combination of lascivious, dirty, joyful, vicious, loving, ferocious, heartbreaking, eye-opening, and even sacred.

6. What is your favourite post from the person who nominated you?
It’s impossible to have a favorite blog from these talented, sweet, generous writers, but I will pick some that I liked:

Fatal described her idea of a fun day here.
I remember liking this very early post from Butterfly.
I can’t get this post from Dawn out of my head, for the exquisitely painful yearning in both the poem and the image.
I enjoyed itsmindblowing’s take on the fine art of necking.
This one from Kayla Lords is especially sweet.
I like this post by India of workspousestory, just because she’s exploring and having a lovely time inside and outside her head.

7. How large is your penis?
L tells me that my penis is perfect in every way, including both length and girth.  That’s how big it is.

8. Who was the first person to put their lips on your penis?
I don’t remember, but I know I was a scraggly, depressed, paranoid, unclean, overweight loser at the time, so I am eternally grateful to whoever was kind enough to overlook all that and take me to heaven anyway.

9. If you could change anything about your life, what would you change?
Other than a few times when I unintentionally fucked someone over, I wouldn’t change a thing because that’s how I got here, and this is pretty sweet.

10. What movie star reminds you the most of the person you love?
L doesn’t look particularly like either of these, but I have thought for years that both Judy Davis and Selma Blair are so breathtakingly desirable that it almost hurts to look at them.  I feel that way about L when I see a picture of her and she’s not there.

005

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